goodbye allows hello.

I quit my job about a year ago.  It was a really hard couple months.  It was like there were two parts of me fighting against each other. The part that knew how much I would love staying home with Kensington and the part that was sad to be leaving a place I loved.  A job I took seriously.  A passion I had.

Its been a year.  I can’t even believe that.  It has literally flown by.  Quickly.

It doesn’t always seem logical to stop doing something you love.  It seems counterintuitive, but at times it has to happen.  One must close doors on chapters of their lives or new things cannot begin.  Opportunities will be gone and experiences ignored.

It didn’t entirely make sense to me, but I needed to say goodbye to my position.  Let go.  Release.

**

The last year has been about learning my new reality.  A reality I have loved, but have not totally figured out.  I always worked.  I was always in charge of teachers.  Director. Administrator.  Rule enforcer. Decision maker.  

Until I wasn’t anymore.  And I assumed a brand new role and a brand new phase in life.

So, it was a bit awkward for me to venture back up the stairs, down the hall and into my old office, today.

I went to have lunch with the youth pastor I worked with and stopped in to say hello to all the staff.  While I enter the doors of the church each Sunday, I rarely stop into the office area.  I don’t know why.  I just don’t.

But I did today.

I did because I have decided to start teaching the 5th and 6th grade Sunday school class, CATALYST.  A new chapter.  A new “hello”.  A new door.  A new avenue God is allowing me to venture down.

I was able to talk with Josh and share enthusiasm (and hamburgers) about ministry.  I was able to have a renewed sense of excitement, for ministry.  It was good.

But being there was hard.  Walking into my old office was hard.  Seeing someone else who has taken the reigns (and is doing an amazing job at it) was emotional.  Seeing all my old co-workers was hard.  Even walking to the restroom was hard.  Is that weird?  Oh well, just trying to be honest.  

I spent so much time there.  So many memories of working with people I love.  So many times of laughter, discussion and learning.  So much emotion.  So much of me remains in that hallway. 

And knowing that it goes on, without me.  As it should.  Life goes on.  They don’t need me there to run that church.  

But sometimes…I feel like I still need them.  

And just as my emotions began to get the best of me….Just when I started to feel sad….

I realized.

In order to say “hello”, one must say “goodbye”.

Goodbye to working.

Goodbye to co-worker camaraderie.

Goodbye to the hallway.

allowed

Hello to motherhood.

Hello to a new teaching oppurtunity.

Hello to more peace and less doing.

 

Goodbye hurts

but

Hello heals.