During marital counseling (highly recommend this), Sean and I read a book by Dr. Gary Chapman. It talked about the different ways in which people feel love. I really wasn’t aware that people “felt” love in different ways…I suppose that I assumed if I told someone, “I love you”, that they got it and we all moved on.
I began to learn that people feel and receive love in different “languages”, which makes perfect sense, considering that each person is different (duh). AT FIRST I was pretty put off by the book…”mumbo love jumbo” were my words, i believe. Another “do what I say and you will achieve ultimate marriage perfection” book.
The more I got into it, the more I realized that I fit directly into one or more “language” categories and so does EVERYONE I know.
Chapman outlines the 5 Love Languages as this:
Words Of Affirmation
Acts of Service
When I was reading the book I realized that while I appreciate EACH of these “languages” separately and at certain time, there was a specific “language” that truly translated to me as a person. Because of who I am, where I have come from, what my personality is like and what I “need” in a marriage. The same for Sean.
It was a “lightbulb” moment for us. It was eye opening because I could truly show/tell Sean how I felt in a way that would maximize how I felt because it would minister to Sean “THE PERSON” and not just be comfortable because it was “my” way of feeling or giving love.
Do you know what Im sayin’? There are people you could sit and chat with for hours and tell them up, down, all around that you love them and think they are the best EVER….but what would really meet them where they are at, is an act of service. If you went out and picked them up dinner and brought it to their house….THAT would be the bees knees.
I have been thinking about this lately because my friend and I deliberately talked to one another about our “love languages” in order to better understand each other and reach out to one another in times of trials and heartache. By understanding what “speaks” to her (and vice versa) we are able to really be there for each other in the way that is needed. It was enlightening, because we had only been reaching out to one another in the way that WE would want to be reached out to.
Her and I were laughing and decided that it wouldn’t be a bad idea if every friend, spouse and family member went over this and explained their “language” to each other…but then we slowed down. We tend to want to solve the world.
Perhaps just starting with ourselves….