It was two years ago this week that we found out we were pregnant for the first time. It was exciting and new and hopeful. It was a Thurs morning and we both were ridiculously happy. It was amazing. Like nothing either of us had experienced. So perfect.
When we found out that we lost the baby in March, Sean bought this almond tree (now on our front porch) and planted it in memory of our first "born". Ironically, the tree blooms in February and March each year. Sean came in the house the other night and mentioned, "Hey Rach..the tree has buds on it. Go look." and my stomach got a pit in it. I realized that it was "time". Time to remember and think about what "could have been".
Even after having a baby, I think about that child. On a daily basis. Usually when I'm playing with Kensington. In fact, I think it has gotten worse SINCE Kensington has been born. I hate that day in March. It's not like I walk around with a cloud over my head and cry all day or even tell anyone. That's not the point. I just don't even want to think about it.
And then…..enveitably….when I feel my worst on that day….I am reminded that we have a soverign God who gives us….
HOPE. PROMISES. A FUTURE. A PLAN.
And although it stings when things don't make sense or we hate the outcome, we can cling to that.
He gives us a new life, in Him. And it makes pain more bearable.
"A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs
his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)
So, here is a picture of my blooming tree. It is so pretty right now and if you could come over to my house, I would show you. It springs new every year and reminds me of my many blessings and the perfect plan the Lord has for me.
Even when I just don't "get it".