I don't really know what this post is "about".
But, as I sit on my couch, I was met with a bunch of really overwhelming feelings.
I'm sitting here and I have the next few hours of my day laid out. I need to Swiffer the floors….I need to cook chicken curry for dinner…I need to put on some decent clothes and listen for the baby to get up from her nap. Once she gets up, I need to feed her and make sure that I get the house ready for bible study tonight and also squeeze in some time to try to make some cookies.
As I was sitting here making my mental list, I was reminded of a image in my head (I can't remember if it was a movie, book or TV Show) from a few years ago, of a mom, watching her "baby" head off to college and her heading back to her car….to drive home….to an empty house.
I remember thinking "She must be so excited! FREEDOM!! She did her good job mothering and now she has all that time to herself! GOOD FOR YOU LADY!!!!"
Little did I know that she must feel so different than that.
Obviously, I'm sure there are moments, after raising a child for 18 years, where you feel happy to have a little time to cultivate some new hobbies/interests. You can take some time and do some things that you have wanted to do and been meaning to do etc.
The thought of my house no longer having Kensington in it makes my heart so sad. Laugh (and think I am crazy) all you want-"You have a LONG time before you will have to deal with this Rachel!" you say…
But really—do you know how many woman I have heard in the past year say, "ENJOY your time right now, because it is gone before you know it, and they are all grown up."?
TONS of woman have told me that.
I guess, if nothing else, that statement has made me acutely aware of the fleeting moments I have with my daughter. She is already almost 8 months old. For peet's sake–I have friends with 5 year olds! It DOES fly by. It is gone in a flash.
I can't tell you how many woman I have been in contact with that have said, "that was my favorite time…(infancy and toddler-hood)"….or when I ask them about their child as a baby, they get the most serene and nostalgic look on their face……
I guess that I am just a big puddle of emotion, because I know that someday, Kensington will leave. She will walk out of here and do something great with her life and I will walk by her room….and realize that she is no longer mine to tell what to do, make dinner for, instruct on what is right or wrong or smile at all day. She won't lean on me like she does now. She won't come to me for advice all the time or put her arms out for me. She won't "need" me.
It really is a ticking clock. God has given me a GIFT and for a short time. A child….and for a numbered amount of days, until He decides that He is going to use her for something fabulous and wonderful to impact the world for Him.
So…although the chicken curry isnt going to make itself, what is wrong with taking a few extra minutes once she wakes up and just sit and play? No Swiffering to be done…..
Just enjoying my time as a mother, with Kensington. While I still have all this time.