I feel like I am learning something invaluable beginning about four months ago. Something that I never understood until now and something I wish I COULD have understood years ago.
I am learning to just BE.
I feel I have spent the better part of my life moving. I moved so fast and did so much. Even in my quietness, there was no stillness. I was always going somewhere, doing something, talking to someone, moving on to the next trip, phone call, gathering, outing, movie, book to read, thing to watch.
I think that I grasped (as much as I can at this point in my life) that my time with my daughter and husband as a family is finite. I will not always have my daughter as a 4 months old. I will not always be able to hold her, change her, talk to her, hug her. For all I know she will be the “I need my personal space” type when she grows up. My moments with her and my husband as a young family are numbered. I’m sure that can sound depressing. I don’t mean it to. What I do mean is…..
Im learning the loveliness of just being. I am slowing down. Some of it is not intentional (Im not 20 anymore)….but there is a large piece that is very conscience. I spend portions of my day doing things that are not always “productive”. I skip out on lots of gatherings, play dates or get togethers. I don’t attend all the functions that I would have felt guilty for not being at before. I don’t answer the phone all the time or even check my computer all the time (i know….shocker).
You know when you hear people say that they have “lost themselves”? I hear mom’s say that alot. I am learning that maybe pieces of us get lost when all we do is MOVE MOVE MOVE. We have no time to think. We have no time to ponder or pray or seek the Lord’s guidance for what He wants for our lives. It would be hard to find out who we are, when we have no time to think about it or cultivate who the Lord wants us to be. We fill up our spare moments during the day moving on to the next activity and thinking forward to the next “thing” on our calendar. (and i say these things because i KNOW them…I have done it).
All this to say that, for me, I am learning to be still and KNOW that God is God. Be quiet and hear Him speak to me. Spend time on what matters. Not always moving and “doing”.
I’m learning that, for the first time in my life, it is better to be slow, intentional and listen for where I am supposed to head next.