Being sick is the pits, but I did manage to pull myself out of bed, grab my camera and take several photos of some flowers and plants that just began to bloom in our garden.
What makes these plants so special is that each was given to us, or purchased a year ago when we had our first miscarriage. The second week of March is when these plants were given and they were in bloom then, and have once again come to life this weekend–reminding me of the love and memories that time gives us.
At times, It feels like it was so long ago that that happened, and then at others times, the feeling of loss will hit me (us) and its like a fresh scar. I did think that once we got pregnant again it would take away the pain of losing the first baby…but even as I sit, 3 days from my due date with Kensington, I still wonder and think about what he or she would have been like. I think about what may have been and what life would be like with a little 4 month old right now….
The Lord’s timing is always perfect and I have never doubted that, but in our small, finite minds, there is always room to wander and contemplate the “what if’s”.
However, I am so grateful for the blessing of our daughter that will be joining us soon. The Lord has a perfect plan for her and our lives. The Lord has a perfect plan if I was to not have gotten pregnant again. He has a perfect plan each day, and I will not doubt that.
There is a song that we sing at church that has the following chorus:
“You give and take away.
You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say,
Lord BLESSED be your name.”
I thought I would share some of my flowers with you today. The beautiful bush with the light purple flowers is called “breath of heaven” and that, along with the night blooming jasmine were from my mom and dad. The magenta azalea was from Emily and the green, almond tree was planted by Sean and I in remembrance.
Sometimes, even when it hurts–it feels so good to remember how the Lord has worked in our lives.